


Who's the guy?

by botiot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst?, Bullying, Claustrophobia, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Minor Violence, Poor Yams bby, i guess, idk make of it what you will, really minor claustrophobia but i'll tag it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7686661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/botiot/pseuds/botiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi totally knew that falling in love with your best friend is completely taboo.</p><p>That didn't exactly stop him though.</p><p>He didn't want this. He didn't ask for this, but when your best friend is none other than the tall and beautiful Tsukishima Kei, there's little you can do to stop it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who's the guy?

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom needs more Yamaguchi pov and i'm here to provide, I love writing yams so much omg. This thing was supposed to be up AGES ago but goddamn writer's block is really hard for me to shake.
> 
> It's rated T for the language/because I felt like it/it does contain slurs and homophobia but in really small amounts, I tried to make it as minor as possible whilst still contributing to the story but if you're easily upset by those things then probably don't read?

Yamaguchi totally knows that falling in love with your best friend is completely taboo.

He'd seen enough shitty romance movies about the best-friends-to-lovers cliche to know that it never went well. There was always confusion and heartbreak and that inevitable angsty bit in the middle where the main characters ignore each other for months on end. He knew that it could lead to all sorts of fuck ups and unnecessary drama that he had neither the time nor the patience to deal with. He  _knew_ that it was awkward and uncomfortable and probably the worst thing you could do for both parties involved. He totally understood that.

That didn't exactly stop him though. 

He didn't want this. He didn't  _ask_ for this, but when your best friend is none other than the tall and beautiful Tsukishima Kei, there's little you can do to stop it.

He was so smitten. Dear  _God_ was he completely and utterly smitten with his sarcastic asshole of a best friend. It was getting to the point where he was actually getting pissed at Tsukishima for making him fall so stupidly in love with him. He'd be doing the simplest of things - taking a drink after practice, taking down notes in class, shit, even just staring out the window - and Yamaguchi would suddenly be hit with this wave of affection that made him want to immediately leap over and start kissing the living daylights out of him. Hell, he didn't even do these things  _nicely_. His mouth was always pulled down in a frown, and whenever Yamaguchi made some stupid comment he'd just roll his eyes and sigh like he was the most boring thing in the world, and mutter an irritated 'shut up Yamaguchi' before turning away and ignoring him. Half of the time he was mean and rude and the other half he was just disinterested, and yet? he? found? that? attractive? 

He tried to tell himself that it was purely his looks. Anyone who took one glance at Tsukishima had to admit that he was eerily pretty. His features were as sharp as his tongue, golden eyes that could probably cut steel if he glared hard enough, pale skin, legs that went on for actual miles, and soft blonde curls that contrasted his scathing demeanour. A few brave girls had even confessed their love for him - only to get rejected of course - but he heard the others that whispered about his handsomeness, and he couldn't help but agree with them. Yeah, falling for Tsukishima's  _looks_ he could completely understand, but falling for the way Tsukishima's pale pink lips turned down in a sneer when he talked, falling for the glares and the insults and the snark and the biting comments? What was all that about? 

In short, Yamaguchi Tadashi is confused, in love, and completely and utterly fucked. 

***

"Yamaguchi, pay attention."

He sighed, lifting his head the tiniest fraction from where it had been comfortably nestled atop his folded arms. "Sorry Tsukki."

Tsukishima just offered a brusque 'tsk' before setting down his pencil and folding his arms, "You asked me to help you study and now you're just lying there not doing anything, do you want me to help or not?"

Ah. Yeah, that had happened.

It wasn't entirely intentional...okay, maybe it was, but Yamaguchi had been falling behind in class (trying to keep your grades up whilst simultaneously trying to stamp out your feelings for your best friend turned out to be much harder than it looked in the movies) and basically, in a moment of weakness, he'd asked Tsukishima to help him study. Those well-versed in the art of teenage romance movies will know that asking someone to help you 'study' very rarely involved any actual 'studying' being done. Unless, of course, that someone is Tsukishima who, alongside being hauntingly beautiful, sarcastic, and apathetic, is apparently also extremely dense.

He'd held out hope that maybe, _just maybe_ , Tsukishima would have seen enough of those terrible movies to recognise exactly what was going on, that maybe this stupid cliche would be able to play itself out in the right way for once. But no, of course Tsukishima would take this seriously. _O_ _f course_ he would appear at his door with notebooks and textbooks piled in his bag with every intention of helping Yamaguchi get better at maths, and  _OF COURSE_ Yamaguchi's mind would wander to dirty places with nothing to satisfy him but all-too innocent equations because his life, sadly, was not a movie, and Tsukishima, clearly, could not take a hint. 

He didn't even bother answering Tsukishima's question, merely groaning and turning his head away, too irritated to continue. Yes, he was sulking, and yes, he was entirely aware of how childish he was being, but there was only so much of Tsukishima he could take before his sexual frustration got the better of him. He pouted inwardly, feeling sorry for himself. What deity had he pissed off to deserve being trapped in the teen-movie-gone-wrong where none of the cliches actually worked? 

He hardly noticed Tsukishima's silence. It wasn't uncommon for him to simply stop speaking - he was the type of person who would literally stop talking in the middle of his sentence if he lost interest halfway through - so he just ignored it and continued to sulk, trying to get that image of Tsukishima that always lurked at the back of his mind somewhere out of his head. 

He jumped when he felt a hand lie tentatively atop his back, scrambling into an upright position and trying to stop his blush though sheer willpower.

Tsukishima regarded him with a frown, drawing his hand back slowly, "Are you okay? You seem a little...upset."

"I-I'm fine, totally fine, just tired I guess." He stammered. 

"Well, you got most of these right, so I guess we can stop here." Tsukishima said nonchalantly.

"Ah, Tsukki! Only because of your  _amazing_ teaching skills." Yamaguchi grinned, happily folding his notebooks away.

"Shut up Yamaguchi." 

"Sorry Tsukki." Yamaguchi replied sunnily.

He left soon after, saying something about having to cook dinner for his family before Yamaguchi could even  _think_ about inviting him over. Yamaguchi waved him off, cheerily smiling as he watched Tsukki pull his headphones over his ears and turn out of his drive. As soon as he was out of sight, Yamaguchi was shutting the door and sinking down to the floor, scolding himself for being thoroughly disappointed. 

 _Silly Tadashi, stupid Tadashi, what did you think would happen?_ _He's your best friend, that's not going to change any time soon_.

Sometimes he wishes he could stop it, wishes he could somehow put a clamp on his feelings so they could both continue on with their lives calmly and peacefully, but how could he? How could he, when he could still feel the ghost of Tsukki's fingers resting against his skin, when he'd been thrilled to know that Tsukishima actually cared, actually  _noticed_ , when he was upset? How could he, when his heart had fluttered so ridiculously when Tsukki had told him to shut up, a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth and a fond look in his eyes.

Yamaguchi began to wonder if there was something terribly wrong with him.

***

Volleyball practice was hell.

It wasn't the volleyball itself that made things troubling, it was  _Tsukishima_ doing anything volleyball-related that almost made Yamaguchi want to quit immediately. He just didn't understand how he could be so graceful? How is it that someone can complete every move so smoothly and flawlessly - topped off with a scowl, of course - and then just calmly push their glasses up their nose a little and walk away as if it was nothing? It wasn't fair, to be that good at something without even trying, without even  _knowing_ what is was doing to poor little Yamaguchi. 

Then there was  _after_ practice. If volleyball alone was torture, then having Tsukishima undress next to him with sweat gleaning off every part of his body, tracing well-toned muscles as it dripped down his skin, was ten times more painful. And having him shower  _in the stall next to him,_  completely _naked_ with nothing but a wall of _tiles_ and _shower curtains_ separating them was about fifteen times more painful than _that_. And  _then_ , watching Tsukki wander around the changing room with _nothing but a_   _towel slung loosely around his hips_ , skin exposed and gleaming with water, glasses-less and hair damp and tousled in a way that could only be described as  _sexy_ and Yamaguchi was wondering how he hadn't died yet from the pain of suppressing everything he felt at the sight. The urge to reach out and feel those muscles under his fingertips, to run his hands through that damp hair and kiss away the drops of water that trickled down his chest and arms was unbelievably strong. He often found his fingers twitching and clenching around whatever was in his hands, desperately seeking some sort of respite from his feelings.

He whined at the unfairness of it all.

*** 

All things considered, Yamaguchi's life could be worse. Sure, he had this unbelievably huge...'thing' -  _I refuse to use the word 'crush', how old am I, five?_ \- for his best friend, but at least they were actually  _friends_ right? He got to spend time with him; he got to watch him crack ridiculous jokes, and dribble sauce down his chin when he ate, and laugh at him when he stubbed his toe on the edge of the table. He got see the sides of Tsukki nobody else could see, and he loved that, he loved being there for him, he loved just being a part of Tsukki's life.

So, yeah, being in love with your best friend kind of sucked, but it was also pretty cool at the same time. He was content, he was happy.

Cue the happiness-shattering conflict.

He'd been walking home, earphones in, music playing, humming along happily when he'd seen them, the five guys who pestered him around school, slumped casually against the wall a few metres in front of him. He was alone this time; volleyball practice had been cancelled and Tsukishima had decided to stay back at school to study for while before heading out, so he'd gone alone, and there they were, waiting for him. His steps faltered, rhythm becoming unsteady and stuttering as he slowed his pace to a crawl. He considered turning back, just walking back into school and finding Tsukki to keep him company whilst he waited those guys out. He could still do it, he still had time, they hadn't even seen- 

"Ah, Tadashi~!"

Well, it was too late now. 

He quickened his pace, hoping just to speed right past them, but of course, he had no such luck.

The leader of the group reached out and snatched at his arm, pulling him back and throwing him roughly against the wall. Yamaguchi's heart pounded, fear playing around the edges of his mind. Normally, their bullying was pretty mild; they'd make a few hurtful comments about his appearance, his voice, his freckles, his hair, his build, poking at the things that make him uncomfortable, but he could take it, for the most part. He'd suck it up and listen as they ranted on and on about how pathetic he was (as if he didn't know that already), and then they'd laugh themselves silly and finally leave him alone to let out the tears in private. They never laid a hand on him...until now.

"Where do you think you're going~?" His tone was airy, playful, dangerous.

His back stung where it had slammed against the wall and his arm ached from the guy's strong grip, but he bore it, he grit his teeth and he took it because no way was he going to break down in front of these guys, not today-

The man ripped his earphones out of his ears, making his phone tumble out of his pocket and clatter noisily to the floor. 

"You alone today then? Where's your pretty blonde boyfriend?" This was new. Oh God, this was new and it was not looking good. Why did they have to bring up Tsukki? Why did they have to call him his _boyfriend_ of all things? Now his heart was jumping all over the place for two entirely different reasons, neither of which were helping his situation in any way. He focused on keeping calm, desperately trying to hide his humiliation from them. He failed. 

The rest of the group sniggered, closing around him in a tight circle and Yamaguchi felt his breathing shallow and his heart pump frantically as his claustrophobia began to settle in. _Make that three reasons_. 

He tried to shake it off, glaring at the group as he bent down to pick his phone back up.

First mistake.

The movement was met with a heel coming down hard on the back of his hand, bone crunching against the hard rubber sole. Yamaguchi bit back a cry of pain as he was pulled to his ass along with it, heel digging harder and deeper into his hand, pinning it to the floor.

"He asked you a question." The owner of said heel sneered, lifting his foot only to bring it slamming back down once again. 

Yamaguchi bit his lip hard, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried not to cry out. 

Second mistake.

He didn't see whose foot it was, he didn't really care, all he knew was that it connected hard with his cheek, his body falling to the side with the force of it. His heart was practically palpitating now, stuttering and flying around in mad terror as more kicks and blows were thrown at him, digging into his sides, shattering his nose, bruising his legs. Yamaguchi took it all, curling in on himself and just waiting - begging - for it to stop. 

And it did.

His head was fuzzy and his vision was cloudy but he saw the guy bend down and heard the words he almost whispered in his ear, "Did your boyfriend dump you?" He mocked.

Yamaguchi managed to cough out a mumble, his breath raspy and almost inaudible, but they heard it, of course they did, "He's not my boyfriend."

Third mistake.

"But you want him to be don't you, fag." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, a clarification of what they all already knew.

They didn't even wait for a reply before they began pummelling him again, each blow more painful than the last. Yamaguchi zoned out, trying to think about something,  _anything_ other than what was happening right now. Strangely, he thought of those stupid teenage-romance movies, the cliches and the sweet-talking and the drama and the make-up and the eventual kiss at the end. _If this were a romance movie_ , he thought,  _Tsukki would come running to save me_. 

He didn't.

***

Yamaguchi didn't go to school the next day.

***

Now that Yamaguchi thought about it, he'd never really seen Tsukishima truly angry.

Sure, there were those times when Hinata and Kageyama pissed him off and he pulled this (adorable) irked expression, with his brows knitted together and the corners of his lips turned down a little. There were times when he was just generally pissed of at everyone, snapping for no apparent reason and making more biting remarks than usual, comments that stung a little more than his normal ones. Even then, his anger was minimal, a passing thing that disappeared after a few hours or so.

Seeing him now, murderous glare in his eyes, hands clenched so hard he could see the muscles straining and his knuckles turning white, jaw set firmly and mouth curled up almost in a snarl, Yamaguchi finally saw what Tsukishima's true anger looked like.

And it was all for his sake.

The moment Tsukishima had lain eyes on his bandaged right hand and the giant purple welt that covered Yamaguchi's left cheek - despite his best efforts to hide it with a large plaster - he'd demanded to know what had happened. Yamaguchi had lied of course. What else could he do? Tell Tsukki the truth and risk him finding out just how madly in love with him he is? No way; he'd fallen down the stairs like the clumsy fool that he was, he's fine, he really is, don't worry about it Tsukki.

He didn't buy it for a second. He'd slowly straightened himself out, fists uncurling, usual frown falling back onto face and Yamaguchi had hoped he was going to drop it, even if he didn't believe his pathetic excuse. No such luck.

"I'm not an idiot Tadashi, I know what bullying looks like." He muttered.

Yamaguchi felt his blood freeze excruciatingly slowly as the implication of Tsukki's words settled in.

"How-" His voice broke and he hurriedly coughed to clear it before continuing, trying to maintain as much composure as he could, "How long have you known?"

Tsukishima took his eyes away from Yamaguchi's face, and he finally regained the ability to breathe, "Since the beginning."

 _Shit...shit shit shit shit shit, he knows, he knows everything._  

Strangely, he wasn't even the tiniest bit mad. He probably should have been. After all, if Tsukki really had known all about it, then he'd let Yamaguchi suffer for an entire year without lifting a finger to help, but rationally he knew that Tsukishima didn't interfere for his own good. If he'd interfered then that would only have fuelled their teasing, mocking his inability to defend himself and getting other people to fight his battles for him.

So instead of anger, he just felt overwhelmingly...sad, humiliated even. Tsukki knew. He  _knew_ that he'd allowed himself to get picked on, that he'd let them say whatever they wanted about him without doing anything. Did he know what they said about him? Probably. He probably agreed with them too, after all, he knew Yamaguchi the best, he'd be able to confirm the shit they were always spewing about him but that was the difference between them and Tsukki. He knew almost everything there was to know about Yamaguchi, almost every embarrassing fact and secret he kept hidden from the rest of the world, and yet he stayed. He knew it all, and yet he still wanted to sit next to him, to eat lunch with him, to walk home with him. He still wanted to be around him, and as long as that was true, Yamaguchi could hardly find it in him to get upset over five strangers calling him names.

Tsukishima seemed to misinterpret his embarrassed silence, "I-I'm sorry Yamaguchi, I didn't want to but into it because it's your business, I would have helped but-" He was rambling, his hands hovering in-between them as if he didn't know what to do with them, his eyes flickering about as he fumbled over his words.  _Cute_.

"Oh, no it's fine really." Yamaguchi interrupted him, because it was, "I can handle it by myself."

Tsukishima stilled, “They've never hit you before though.” He mumbled. His hand was floating just above Yamaguchi's bandaged one, close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from his fingertips. “Something’s changed hasn’t it? What happened?”

“Tsukki-”

“Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima looked right through him, and Yamaguchi saw the anger he’d thought had dissipated still burning fiercely in his golden eyes, “Don’t lie to me.”

_As if I ever could._

He sighed. He supposed it was about time Tsukki knew, he’d been keeping this a secret for far too long anyway. He stole a glance around them to make sure they were alone, before mumbling, “They found out that I like guys.”

Tsukki blinked at him, anger flashing out of his eyes, only to be replaced by surprise, “You’re gay?”

“Well I’m bi actually, but it’s not like they know the difference.” Yamaguchi drew his hands away from Tsukki's and behind his back to hide their shaking, smiling with all the confidence he could muster as he looked up at him, “They noticed that I have a crush on this guy, and they…got mad, I guess?”

He was silent for a few seconds as he mulled over Yamaguchi’s words. He felt his heart racing and his throat go dry as he imagined what Tsukishima was going to say. Would he be okay with it? Would he be disgusted? What if he rejected him? Oh God,  _what if he rejected him?_ No, there's no way that would happen. Tsukishima had stuck with him through worse, he just had to trust him...right? He clamped his hands together behind his back, sweat pulsing against his palms as he waited anxiously for Tsukishima's reply.

“Who’s the guy?" 

Processing that sentence took him a while, but once it registered in his brain he felt his nerves slowly crumbling, his hands unclasping, the tension seeping out of his shoulders, his heart slowing almost immediately, as if relieved. _He's okay with it, he's okay with it, he doesn't mind, he's okay with it_ _;_ he repeated the words like a mantra in his head as he fumbled to find something to say, Tsukishima regarding him with a cocky smile the entire time.

“T-Tsukki!" Yeah, that was about all he could manage right now. 

“I’m serious, I can’t think of anyone it could be.” 

“That's what you were thinking about this whole time?!” He spluttered indignantly.

"I thought you liked Yachi."

"No! Ah, that came out wrong. I mean, um, she's really cute but-"

"So you  _do_  like her?"

"Oh my God." He covered his face with his hands to hide his blush (and maybe his smile too), "I hate you."

Tsukishima just snorted, and Yamaguchi could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he said, "This guy must be pretty impressive if he beats your crush on Yachi."

He peeked out between his fingers, observing Tsukishima's triumphant smile, the easy slope of his shoulders, the soft look in his eyes as he gazed back at Yamaguchi, the way his curls tumbled over his forehead and flicked out a little around his ears in the prettiest way. It was actually unfair for someone to be that beautiful. He considered denying it.  _It's just a guy_ , he imagined himself saying _, he's not that special, not to mention he's got a shitty personality._

But that wouldn't exactly be true now, would it?

"Yeah, he is."

***

“Um…Tsukki."

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

“I'm walking home, what does it look like?”

“Isn't your house in the other direction?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

…

“Aren't you going to be late?”

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry.”

***

Tsukishima would not leave him alone. 

Before, they'd always had the same pattern: they’d meet in the classroom before school, chat a little as they waited for classes to start, and when lunch break rolled around, they’d eat together. After school they'd meet in the clubroom for volleyball, change together, and then afterwards they'd walk home with each other until they had to split to reach their respective houses. They had a system, a perfect, caste system that had worked flawlessly without disruption, until now. Now, it was Tsukki who would ask if they wanted to eat lunch together, Tsukki who would hang around so that they could walk to volleyball club, Tsukki who would take the longer route home just so he could walk Yamaguchi all the way to his doorstep.  

Okay, now this situation has good points and bad points.

Good points:

  * He gets to see Tsukki a lot.
  * Tsukki actually wants to hang out with him???
  * Seriously, he sees Tsukki a lot and it's so great.



Bad points:

  * He cannot go to the toilet without being followed and he's vaguely creeped out.
  * They look like a couple, which he should be happy about, except for the fact that they're not actually dating which makes the whole stalking thing much much weirder.
  * He has a feeling that Tsukki's following him out of pity for the whole bullying thing, which he _definitely does not want_.
  * His crush was escalating exponentially and he didn't know how much more of this he could take before his heart gave up.



Still, he was curious to see how long this new behaviour would last before Tsukki got tired and stopped, so he let it happen. 

_I'll just put up with it, he's not going to last long anyway. He'll get bored within the week, I bet._

A week passed.

Then two.

Three.

A whole month.

_What the fuck._

***

“What the fuck, Tsukki?” 

Yamaguchi couldn't take it anymore. A month. An  _entire month_ with Tsukki following him around. Yes, Yamaguchi had felt happier than he ever had, and spending every possible moment with Tsukki was as close to actually dating him as he could possibly hope to be, but a whole month? How could  _Tsukishima_ , who never voluntarily did _anything_ for  _anyone_ want to spend so much time with  _him_ of all people? It was weird and strange and it had to stop.

“Huh? What?” Tsukishima regarded him with the frown that he knew meant that he was confused and maybe the tiniest bit pissed off. He knew that scowl well, he was often the cause of it after all.

“Why are you following me?” He demanded.  _Following? Can I really call it that? I mean we're friends, and it's not like I hate having him around, but he literally never leaves me alone and it's just getting a little weird, I need some private time too. Yeah, okay, maybe I should explain that-_

 _“_ Is it bad that I want to spend time with my best friend?” Tsukishima replied cooly, hardly glancing up from the book he was reading. 

The words resonated in Yamaguchi's head like a heartbeat,  _best friend best friend best friend, he likes me, he wants to hang out with me, his best friend._ It was well known that Tsukishima was Yamaguchi's best - and, if he was honest, only - friend, but whether Tsukki felt the same had always been a mystery to everyone. He'd always assumed that Tsukki wasn't really the type who did the whole 'best friends' thing, but he did, oh my God he  _did_ , and it was  _Yamaguchi_  who held that title. He felt his stomach drop pleasantly, like that feeling you got when you were on a rollercoaster, suddenly rushing down a steep drop that had taken ages to build up. 

He'd almost forgotten what they were talking about.

“Y-you follow me everywhere.” He stammered, trying to keep his brain on the right track.

“That's what best friends do, don't they?” He said, finally setting his book aside to look at Yamaguchi like he was studying him. He felt himself whither under Tsukishima’s intense eyes, utterly striking as they looked at him carefully. 

“No. W-well yes, but-”

“Yamaguchi-”

“If this is about the bullying then you can stop right now.” He blurted. That shut him up instantly, confirming Yamaguchi’s suspicions. He took a deep breath to continue, “I don't want you calling me your best friend and hanging around me all the time out of pity or anything. I handled it before you came along, and I'll handle it again when you leave so you don't have to do anything unnecessary, you being here is enough.”

There was a moment of silence as Tsukishima thought over his words, then, “Did you ever consider that maybe I just want to spend time with you?”

Yamaguchi's brain was a mess.  _Time? Spend? Tsukki? With me? h e w a n t s t o s p e n d t i m e w i t h m e-_

Tsukishima just gazed at him, curious. Yamaguchi couldn't say a thing, he couldn't say a  _damn_ thing and Tsukishima was still staring. He gaped back, his mouth hanging open, and his cheeks openly pink. It wasn't like he could stop it anyway. I mean Tsukishima was  _staring_  at him for God's sake, his golden eyes piercing and intent as they surveyed Yamaguchi's reaction. Eventually he gave a soft smile - the corners of his mouth twitching up ever so slightly - and picked up his book again, flicking through the pages to find the place he stopped.

“Fine, I'll stop. Following you that is, you're still my best friend.” He resumed his reading as if he hadn't just  _killed_ Yamaguchi with nothing more than his words. The asshole, there was no way he didn’t know just how much that meant to him. 

“Tsukki~” He practically sobbed. 

“Shut up Yamaguchi, I'm trying to read.”

***

_What am I doing?_

Yamaguchi stood in front of a door. It was a pretty regular door, but he'd probably be able to recognise it anywhere. Navy blue. Panes of frosted glass at the top. Round, dirty-gold doorknob. Flaky paint peeling off in places. A nice, worn, homely door. He should know, he'd been standing out here examining it for about ten minutes. The next-door neighbours probably thought he was crazy, and he was definitely not in any position to claim otherwise. After all, he was standing on the doorstep at eleven at night examining a fucking door as he desperately attempted to work up the courage to ring the bell. It was such a simple task, a mere case of push and release, it should take him three seconds at most, so why the  _fuck_ couldn't he do it?

Maybe it was his hands, and the fact that they just would not stop shaking. He'd tried everything: digging his nails into his palms; clenching his fists; completely relaxing himself as best he could and hoping the tremors would play themselves out, but they were  _still shaking_. He considered turning back for the umpteenth time, just swivelling around on his heel and going...where exactly? The whole reason he was here was because he had nowhere else to go. He couldn't go back home - not after what had just happened - he didn't have any friends who he could impose himself on like this, and it was the only place left that he could associate with the word 'safe'.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath that he lost the energy to sustain halfway through, pushing the air out in a long, exasperated sigh before his lungs could be filled properly. It didn't squash his nerves completely, but it did enough to let him finally raise his hand and push at the little button drilled against the doorframe. Digital bells chimed pleasantly throughout the house - a warm, happy sound - and he waited with bated breath as he heard footsteps approaching the door. 

And suddenly, there he was.

It took all of Yamaguchi's strength not to burst into tears right there. Tsukishima stood, tall and proud as ever, filling the doorframe with his height, surprise blinking onto his face as he saw Yamaguchi standing there, no doubt taking note of his watery eyes and trembling hands and quivering lower lip. The sight of one person should not have made him so happy, but he just felt so relieved, so thankful for Tsukishima, for the gentle hand that carefully pulled him inside and guided him upstairs, for the fact that the hand stayed after they'd both settled down on the bed, for the silence as the tears finally leaked out of the corners of his eyes. 

Because Tsukki is here. Tsukki is 'safe'.

"I'm s-sorry." He sniffed.

Tsukishima just shushed him, reaching for the tissue box perched on his bedside table and handing it to him. Yamaguchi took it gratefully hastily dabbing at his eyes and wiping his nose as he tried to pull himself together. He was so stupid. Here he was, crying like a baby in front of his best friend, who probably didn't even want him there. It's eleven in the evening for God's sake, what on earth was he thinking, barging into Tsukishima's house like this? What an idiot. He stood up - he hadn't even been here five minutes but there was no way he could _stay -_ stuffing the used tissues into his pockets and giving one last sniff before turning to Tsukishima and apologising as best he could, "I'm really sorry Tsukki, I was just...a bit upset...but I'm okay now. I'll stop bothering you, goodnight."

"Yamaguchi." 

He paused, already so close to escaping, fingers halting in their reach for the door handle. He stole a quick glance towards the bed where Tsukishima still sat - calm and unmoving - before casting his eyes down in embarrassment, choosing to study the floor instead. He didn't say anything for a moment, and Yamaguchi was beginning to wonder if he should take the opportunity and just go when he finally spoke again:

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

He could have left he supposed. The door was less that thirty centimetres away, it would have been so easy to just run from this, to throw the door open and bolt out of Tsukki's house before the tears could catch up with him. Then again, Yamaguchi had never been one to make things easy for himself. Besides, he'd come here for a reason, he  _wanted_ to be here, because Tsukki is here...Tsukki is safe.

His legs dragged themselves back to the bed, sitting him down a suitable distance away from Tsukki. His fingers played and intertwined in his lap, his eyes following them all the while. His nose took in a large gulp of air and shakily released it, his ears strained to hear any sort of sign from Tsukki, but were met with nothing. His heart thundered and his pulse roared-

-and his mouth moved.

"My parents..." Yamaguchi whispered. Tsukishima waited. "They found out...about the...bullying...and...why those guys...hit me..."

"They found out you were bi?" Tsukishima clarified, his voice quiet, as if he didn't want to disturb Yamaguchi's train of thought. 

He nodded, "I told them...I didn't want to hide it from them any longer, but they didn't...take it very well."

 

_"It's such a disappointment."_

_"This behaviour will not be tolerated under my roof."_

_"Why would you do this to us?"_

 

"I see." He said, even quieter this time, as if he almost hadn't meant to say it out loud, "What about your sister?"

 

 _"It's disgusting, how could you ever be happy that way?_ _It's unnatural."_

_"Stop fooling around, you're being childish."_

 

Yamaguchi just shook his head.

They both sat in silence. Somewhere along the way, Yamaguchi began crying again, less audibly this time, noiseless tears resiliently sliding down his cheeks. Somewhere along the way, Tsukki's hand rested on top of his back, carefully rubbing circles in a soothing motion. Somewhere along the way, they'd shuffled closer together, legs pressed against one another, shoulders bumping together with each tiny movement made. 

Somewhere else along the way, Tsukishima spoke again, "I'm gay you know."

He hardly even gave Yamaguchi time to react before he was off again, words tumbling from his lips hastily, as if he was relieved for the chance to finally let them out, "There's this guy you see. He's the nicest person I know, he always puts other people's happiness before his own, he's nearly always smiling, and on top of all that he's cute as fuck, and I realised some time ago that I...liked him."

What Yamaguchi should have been thinking:  _wow, Tsukki's really come a long way since the beginning of our relationship, I'm so glad that he feels comfortable enough to talk about this with me and that he understands part of what I'm going through, I'm so lucky to have such a great friend._

What Yamaguchi was actually thinking:  _Tsukki has a crush what._

The shock alone was enough to halt his tears, and he kept his gaze fixed to Tsukishima's profile, wanting to record every twitch and every little detail that this moment had to offer. 

Tsukishima cleared his throat, and paused a little before speaking up again, "There was a bit more to it than that of course, like how I didn't really have an interest in girls at all, but seeing him every day really made me notice just how unspeakably gay I was." He huffed a quiet laugh, pushing his glasses up his nose and finally turning to look at Yamaguchi fully. His expression was earnest, determined, his lips set in a firm line and his eyes burning with an intensity that made Yamaguchi's breath hitch. 

"I can't really imagine what you're going through because my family were really accepting of the whole situation, but I want you to know that it's okay to...be you. You don't have to change or beat yourself up because three people who are supposed to love you unconditionally decided that you don't fit with who they want you to be."

_Tsukki stop being so kind, I'm gonna fucking cry again goddammit._

"Also, if you ever need somewhere to stay, you're always welcome here." He finished. The silence that followed seemed much heavier, weighted with the mass of Tsukishima words, but it settled around them comfortably, as if it were wrapping them in a warm hug. All Yamaguchi could think about was the fact that Tsukishima had someone that he liked, and that he liked that person enough to talk about him in more than one sentence (a rare feat where Tsukki is concerned, honestly). Considering his position, any number of emotions would have been way more appropriate than the happiness he was feeling right now - anger; sadness; dejection - but instead he felt a smile settle easily on his lips and and warmth grow in the pit of his stomach. It was obvious from the way Tsukishima was talking about him that he really cared about this guy, that thinking about him made him happy, and that was all Yamaguchi could ask for.

Yamaguchi wiped his eyes with his sleeves and mumbled, "So, who's the guy?"

And just like that the atmosphere lifted. Both of them visibly relaxed, Tsukishima brought his hands back to his lap and Yamaguchi straightened himself out, rolling his shoulders to dispel some the tension in them as Tsukishima scoffed at his question, "For God's sake, I give you a long, heartfelt speech about discovering myself and all you can focus on is my crush?"

"You said you see him every day, so it could be someone in our class, or maybe the volleyball club...wait!" He drew in a dramatic gasp, "Could it be Hinata?"

"What the actual fuck." Tsukishima deadpanned.

"He fits! Always has a smile on his face, and he's cute because he's so small. Don't worry Tsukki I pass no judgement." Yamaguchi grinned, enjoying the way Tsukishima squirmed in embarrassment and disgust.

"Don't be ridiculous of course it's not him." The tips of his ears were starting to flush red, and Yamaguchi nudged him playfully.

"Your ears are betraying you Tsukki."

"I do not have a crush on Hinata."

"Then who is it?"

"It's you, you fucking idiot."

_...what?_

Yamaguchi studied his face, looking for that telltale flicker of his eyes and the slightly-too-forced-frown that he knew meant that Tsukki was lying, but they weren't there. Instead he saw red cheeks and wide, mildly horrified eyes as both of them fully registered what he said. 

"That doesn't make sense." Yamaguchi stated. 

Tsukishima turned to look at him, eyebrow quirking up as he asked, "In what way?"

He fumbled over his words, desperately trying to make Tsukishima see the ridiculousness of his statement whilst his heart pounded out of control and his head felt like it was spinning, "I'm not always smiling, I don't put other's happiness before my own or whatever and I'm not _that_ cute."

"You are to me."

His smoothness made Yamaguchi stammer, "B-but, _I_ have a crush on _you_." He blurted out in his confusion, and then immediately regretted it, "Oh, shit, you weren't supposed to find out this way-"

"You do?" Tsukishima cut him off with a low whisper, staring at Yamaguchi as if that was the last thing he'd expected to come out of his mouth. 

He took a deep breath, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions coursing through his body: elation, disbelief, confusion...more disbelief, until he finally calmed himself down enough to answer, "Of course I do."

And then, Tsukishima  _smiled_. 

Yamaguchi nearly died right then and there because Tsukishima was honest-to-God  _smiling_ so wide and excited he looked like he might burst, and as much as he loved the sarcastic smirks and the irritated frowns, it was the way Tsukki’s eyes softened and his whole face relaxed as his cheeks lifted up into the smile that drove Yamaguchi’s heart crazy. That smile was all it took for him to finally realise his situation: he liked Tsukishima, but what's more, Tsukki liked him too. For once in his life, this whole messy and distorted cliche had managed to work out in his favour. 

"So, what happens now?"

Tsukishima tried his best to smirk, he really did, but now that smile was fixed to his face and it just wouldn't go away that easily, "I think the next step is dating."

Yamaguchi snorted, offering a much more successful smirk of his own, before quietly saying, "Well that's a bit forward, you haven't even asked me yet."

"In that case, Tadashi, will you go out with me?" He turned to face him, Tsukki's hands hovering over his, hesitating. 

Yamaguchi intertwined his fingers in Tsukki's, blushing a little as molten golden eyes locked with his. _Beautiful_.

"Thought you'd never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> bless Yamaguchi's unwavering optimism
> 
> kudos to you if you can figure out the real reason Tsukishima was following Yamaguchi around (besides being totally infatuated with him of course :D )
> 
> also I struggled really hard with the ending so please tell me if it's okay??
> 
> tumblr: haikyup


End file.
